Nonsense

I’m thinking too much these days for my own good. As hard as it may seem, I feel like I’m slowly exhausting my limited brain power. I’m sure the brain will continue to work no matter how exhausted it is but lately, too much thinking is making me tired.

“Cognito, ergo sum“ is Latin which translates to “I think, therefore I am.” If you are able to think for yourself, then you exist. You are able to think of things to do on your own and no one has to tell you what to do. The brain is capable of learning new things no matter what age. They say that once you go pass a certain age, the brain’s function to learn just stopped. Well, maybe it doesn’t stop but it slows down and it makes it harder to learn. I am not yet at that stage but some days I feel like I am.

I do a lot of thinking. When things go quiet, my brain wanders and things pop into my head. Most of it is about the past and the future. It is rare that I think about the present. Things that are happening today, I don’t have much control over. The same goes for the past, but I think about the past in order to prevent past mistakes from happening again in the future.

There are times when my mind wanders and I find myself just dazed and confused. I do not know what I am thinking about and I have no idea what to start thinking about. This whole idea of thought processing is something that still puzzles me. I find it amazing that I am able to hear myself inside my head. The thing that I cannot comprehend is whether it is my voice or not. The voice that I use when I talk inside my head sounds like my voice but I cannot actually hear it. In a way, I can hear the voice but how do you compare that to the voice I speak using my vocal chords.

The things I think about sounds fairly trivial. I am not sure why I even bother thinking about such nonsense. But those are the things that pop into my head when I’m sitting around doing nothing. I focus so much on the little things that they are making me tired. I try to sleep at night but I’m too busy thinking. I try to get some work done but I’m so focused on thinking about other things that nothing gets done. I do not know why I spend so much time thinking. I do not even know why I am typing this out. I just hope that by getting my words out of my head and putting them onto paper, it will help clear my mind a little.

My mind is pretty complicated and you do not want to know what goes on in there. I do not believe that I think about the things that average people think about. One day I will be thinking about the weather. The next day I will be thinking about the connection between to different gravitons that are placed at opposite ends of the universe and how each can mimic the other in exactly the same way.

I am a software engineering and yet I find every aspect of life to be interesting. An analogy that I tell to people who cannot program is that, if you can teach a kid something, you can program a computer to do something. That analogy sounds easy enough to understand but I am not sure if everyone will understand it. The way I see it is, if you can teach a kid to count to ten, you can program a computer to count to ten. It’s just that some people think that you have to tell a computer how to count in a more complex way because it as a complex piece of machinery. The brain of a child is just as complex, maybe even more so. The difference is that a child can ask you question for clarification. A computer just does as it’s told to do.

But anyway, I do not know why I bother thinking about these things. I have better things to do but I am just too lazy to start doing them. Too much thinking is not good for you because the more you think about something the worse the outcome might look. And right now, I am just getting tired from thinking too much. If possible, I would like to take a break from thinking but I do not see that happening. I am still trying to put out one blog per day and in order to do that I need to think about the topic. Day after day, I feel like I am running out of topics to write about. But the more I think about it, the more it seems like that isn’t the case.

It is not the fact that I running out of topics to write about, it is because I am tired of thinking so much. There’s so much to write about but I have put so much thought into that I am tiring my brain. I have brained stormed so much that it seems like all the topics are gone. In actuality, there’s plenty more left to write about but it is taking me a little longer to come up with something. After I select a topic, I have to worry about how I am going to write it out. There are things that I want to write about but I just cannot think of how to write them.

It’s not like I have writer’s block or anything because I have plenty to jot down. I write about anything and everything so there’s plenty of material to go around. I guess that due to the fact that I am tired, I have to pause after every sentence to think about what to write down next. So at the moment, I am not sure exactly how long I can continue to get new material out every day. I use to have a few on reserved but I have already exhausted that material. And I am sure that the things that you are reading are not entirely new to you because I can’t be the only one going through something like this. I think one day, I will try writing about whatever comes to mind. It will be a good way to see what goes on in my head. If I know myself, there is a chance that most of it will be chaos.

I spent a good while this morning reading tongue twisters. I never paid them much attention before but this time it was different. I came across some tongue twisters and I just cracked up reading them. These weren’t the regular Seashells or Peter Piper tongue twisters either. I don’t know what it is but I think the lack of sleep heightened my sense of humour.

Everyone is probably familiar with the “She sells seashells by the seashore” tongue twister. But I had no idea that there was more to it. I assumed it was “She sells seashells by the seashore” and that was it. I’ve been saying the “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers” wrong as well. But those are the tongues twisters for the kiddies.

It started when I found with “A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.”

“Mr. See owned a saw. And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now, See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw before Soar saw See, which made Soar sore. Had Soar seen See’s saw before See sawed Soar’s seesaw, See’s saw would not have sawed Soar’s seesaw. So See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw. But it was sad to see Soar so sore just because See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw.”

I couldn’t make it through that tongue twister. After reading the first sentence, it sounds like it’s going to be easy. And the same goes for the second sentence. After that point, I just lost track of everything. I pretty much kept saying “seesaw” throughout the whole thing.

“Betty Botter had some butter, “But,” she said, “this butter’s bitter. If I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter. But a bit of better butter, that would make my batter better.” So she bought a bit of butter – Better than her bitter butter – And she baked it in her batter and the batter was not bitter. So ’twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter.”

I couldn’t get through this one without stopping to laugh after every sentence. As you can tell, I’m more of a simpleton than what most people think. Deep down inside, I’m just an average guy who does the same things that most people do.

I don’t know what it is about today but I can’t seem to find my car in the parking lot. It wasn’t that dark out so I shouldn’t have a problem finding it. But when I tried to unlock the door with my key, it wouldn’t budge. It happened a few times today and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the night shift starting to catch up on me.

Before going to work, I decided to get some things done. I drove my brother to work and had about twenty minutes so I quickly ran some errors for my mom. My first stop was the bank to withdraw some money. The bank was closed so I had to use the client card to open the door. I walked in and quickly used the ATM to withdraw some funds. I walked out back to my car and tried the doors but for some reason the key didn’t turn. It took me about a few seconds to realize that I was standing next to a green Chrysler Intrepid. My car was to the left of it but I got a little confused when I came out of the bank. Usually when I go to that bank, I always get this one parking spot right outside. I guess out of habit I walked back to the same spot only to be at someone else’s car. I looked around and saw that no one was in the area to witness what I just did. I quickly got into my car and drove to work.

When I got into Mississauga, I stopped by Square One to pick up some stuff. On the way out, a girl was walking in front of me and I happened to notice her. I couldn’t help it, it just happened. When we got outside, she walked to the right and I walked to the left, towards my car. I looked around and spotted my car and proceeded to walk to it. I looked back towards the girl but she was already out of my focus range. Everything beyond that point is now a blur. I get to my car and stood there for a couple of seconds. Something was very odd about this car. It was the same colour as my car but when I looked inside, the content wasn’t mind. I had my side bag in the back but there was nothing in the back seat of this car. I looked on the rear view mirror and saw a dolphin dangling on it. I don’t remember installing one of those in my car.

I stepped back for a second and saw that this wasn’t even my car. It wasn’t even a Camry. It was a green Chrysler Intrepid. That’s the second time today that I confused my car for an Intrepid. I don’t know how I didn’t notice it as first. I could have sworn that I parked my car right here. For a moment, I thought I was being punked or something but I didn’t think that was likely to happen. Why would anyone want to punk me?

I stood back scratching my head for a while and tried to remember where exactly I parked. Then I saw my car. I looked over the Intrepid and saw my car parked right beside it. I must have walked to the driver side door too early when I looked back for that girl.

So I walk around the Intrepid to the Camry. I stuck my key into the door and turned it. For some reason it didn’t budge. I looked at the car and confirmed that it was green Camry but the key wasn’t turning. I looked in the back seat and saw that there was a baby seat sitting there. I don’t remember putting a baby seat in the back. I stepped back again and took a closer look at the car. This wasn’t my car. I could have sworn I parked the car in this area.

It was slowly getting dark and Square One’s parking lot is pretty big. Either someone drove off with my car and parked another Camry in its place or I forget the exact location of my parking spot. I looked over at the next row of cars but with my bad vision, I couldn’t see my car. Plus there were other cars blocking the cars parked behind. If my car was behind one of those cars, I wouldn’t see it until I got closer.

Then I see something that looked like a Camry. This one was parked a row closer to the mall’s entrance. That’s when it occurred to me that I did park rather close. I just didn’t remember it was this close. I spotted this car because of the fin on the top of the car. The previous owner installed a fin that had an LED on it. I don’t know what the purpose of it was. Just for show, I guess. I walked up to that car and saw my side bag in the back.

Some people don’t like to listen. Some will try to listen but they are hard of hearing. Some people will listen but won’t care about what you’re saying. And some of them will think that you’re too insignificant to listen to. When I talk, I hope that the other person is listening to what I’m saying. When they talking, I pay attention so I hope they’re doing the same.

I was working away at the computer when I heard a knock at the door. There’s a door by my desk that leads out of the office. This is an emergency door but the guys from security like to use it to check up on me. They’re too lazy to use the front door so they use this one. First I heard something that sounded like keys scratching against the door and then I hear it open.

The security guy popped his head into the office and waited for me. I slid across the floor in my chair and looked around the desk to tell him that everything is fine. He nodded and proceeded to close the door. Before he did that shouted at him to wait. I put my hand in the air and extended my index finger. You know the gesture when you want to say “#1″ that’s what I did. Only in this case, that gesture is the universal sign language for “wait.” Unfortunately, this security guy never got that memo.

I wanted to ask him a question regarding the new photo ID memo that was going around. Security requires the staff in this building to have a new photo ID card. But since I was working nights, I had no idea when I can go in to have my picture taken. I wanted to ask this security guy but he didn’t know the universal signal to wait. Instead, he looked at me and said something and then left. I didn’t quite hear what he said but it sounded like, “Rarroloroorf.”

I was a little baffled. I was thinking, what language was he speaking in. It sounded like he was literally speaking in tongue. He wanted to say something but it came out wrong. The words were probably at the tip of his tongue but somehow he couldn’t say it right. “Rarroloroorf” could have been his way of saying, “Blah blah blah.” I was still stuck on trying to figure out what “Rarroloroorf” meant, that by the time I came to, he was already gone.

Whatever he said when he was at the door could not have been English. It didn’t sound anything remotely close to English. For all I know, he could have said something in Swaheli, “Jambo habari!” Or maybe he was trying to say something using internet lingo like “LOL.” Maybe my gesture for him to wait looked funny and he wanted to say, “ROFLOL!” That’s the closest thing that I can think of at the moment so I’m going to go with that. I didn’t feel like going after him and stopping him. I just sat there in my chair, dumbfounded.

I think people can just make up their own words and use it. If it’s not in the dictionary, that doesn’t mean it’s not a word. Google wasn’t in the dictionary but now it is. You can probably make up a word and if you use it enough, other people will use it to. Next thing you know, it’ll be in the Oxford dictionary.

I think I met the craziest person in the world tonight. You know those people that go around saying, “The end of the world is near!” Well, she could very well be one of those people. She seemed harmless as first but the more she talked, the crazier she sounded. I was scared for my life at one point.

It all started when I was walking to Tim Horton’s to grab something to eat. As I got near the building, I saw a girl sitting on one of the stones. Usually that’s where the people would wait before getting on one of those tour buses that park in the area. She was dressed in black and she was sitting with her arms around her feet. As I was walking, she kept staring at me but I didn’t look at her, just in case. She saw that I was looking away so she looked in the direction that I was looking. When she looked away, I snuck a peek at her and saw that she was just sitting there drinking her drink. I thought nothing of it and carried on.

I got into Tim Horton’s and gave my order to the cashier. As I was ordering, a lady came into the building. I didn’t get a good look at the one outside but this lady sort of fitted the description. As I started to leave the building, a couple more girls were by the door, waiting for something. As I exited Tim Horton’s, they entered. I guess they were too lazy to open the door.

I rounded the corner of the building and that’s when I saw that girl again. She was still sitting there on the stone drinking her drink. As I walked passed her, she said something. This is my recollection of the event as they unfolded.

Girl: Take care of yourself!
Me: Oh yeah, you too. Why aren’t you inside where it’s warm?
Girl: Oh, I don’t want to be in there. I’m getting a bad vibe from inside.
Me: Oh. Aren’t you cold?
Girl: Not as cold as yesterday when I was in northern Thailand.
Me: Oh, that’s where I’m from. I’m from Thailand.
Girl: Yeah, see that’s why we connected.
Me: Yeah, you should go inside and get yourself warmed up.
Girl: No man. It’s not a good vibe. I don’t want to be in there.
Me: The workers there are fine.
Girl: Oh for sure. I love the workers. I don’t have a problem with them. I love them. It’s the building man. There’s something strange in there and I’m getting a bad vibe from it. I like to be out here drinking my tea. I like it black and double cupped. That’s how me and my mom likes it. This is the only way we drink it.
Me: Oh really? But you should drink it inside so you can get warmer.
Girl: No man. I’m fine out here. I don’t want to go in there. Me and you, we can go in there and scream ‘White Power’ all we want but that won’t do anything.

At this point, I’ve made up my mind about this girl. She was a few fries short of a Happy Meal, if you know what I mean. I don’t think she saw my face clearly enough because she didn’t noticed that I was Asian. At first, I thought she had a problem with the workers inside but in the end, I wasn’t sure. I just wanted to get away from her so I tried not to say much. It didn’t work.

Me: Uhhhh.
Girl: They’re not going to pay attention to us because they think we’re fake. Why do they think we’re fake? The only think you can fake is porn and this isn’t porn. This is the underground. You know? But nobody cares about the underground. You know why?
Me: No.
Girl: Because no one wants to be in the underground. They want to be up here. They don’t want to be down there because that’s where the explosives will go off. I know. I was there. Me and the people at Norguard. The government isn’t going to take us seriously because they’re too busy paying attention to the other things, the fake things. They need to pay more attention to us because we’re real.
Me: Oh.
Girl: We’re real because my mom works for the government. So trust me when I say that I know this stuff. And you know what? The one day that the government calls me in to work is the very day that Nadia fell off her bike and broke her leg. How could they do that to her man?
Me: Ummm.
Girl: They have to stop paying attention to those other people and start taking us seriously. Maybe we should try salt.
Me: Salt?
Girl: Yeah, you know those blue salts.
Me: The one they sprinkle in the winter time to melt the snow?
Girl: No! What do you think horses eat? They eat blue salt. You know in their stable? They have a block of blue salt. The horses like to lick them.
Me: I did not know that.
Girl: Better believe it. That’s why they have it all over the place.
Me: Oh, I see.
Girl: So how’s Andrew doing?
Me: Uhhh, I don’t know Andrew, actually.
Girl: Ha ha ha! That’s a good thing. Maybe it’s best for you because you’re wearing his hat.
Me: Oh. Well, I have to get back to work now. You try and stay warm, okay?
Girl: Okay. You take care.
Me: Likewise.
Girl: Bye now!

I don’t know what this lady was drinking but I think it messed up her head a little. The whole time she was talking, I was trying to figure out what she was saying. Once I was close to figuring it all out, she changed the subject on me. But I think she lost me once she started talking about her friend Nadia. She wasn’t making any sense at all. Everything was coming out of her mouth at random. She must have mentioned a dozen different topics but this was all I could remember. I don’t even know why I bother to stop and talk to her in the first place. And I thought Hamilton had strange people. When they say that the freaks come out at night, they weren’t kidding.

A while ago, I had to take phone calls for a new product that the company was working on. The customers would purchase the card and then call in to register the information. It’s bad enough that I can barely understand them because of their accent but they make it ever heard by saying things differently. Having been living in Canada for the past twenty years, I’m use to hear things said a certain way. When I hear it said a different way, I stop and scratch my head.

Most of the callers had a really thick accent. The phone that I was talking on didn’t have a button that allowed me to adjust the volume so I had to cover the other ear with my free hand. That didn’t help much because phone’s ear piece was very uncomfortable to use. I ended up switching from ear to ear during every call. I was on the phone for about half an hour and already my ears were starting to burn. It’s too bad the phone didn’t have a speaker phone option. That would have made things a bit easier.

When the customers call in to give their information, I have to enter that information into the computers. The phone is hurting my ear now so I have to tilt my head so I can press the phone against my shoulder because I need my hands had to do the typing. The other ear is free and there’s outside noise coming that ear and thick, hard to understand accent coming in the other ear. I tried my best to take down the information but the customer wasn’t helping.

First, I would ask for a number that is located at the back of the card. They would have to scratch that gray coloured material off in order to read it. After they give me that number, I look it up in the Excel file to see if there is a match. If there isn’t a match, I become suspicious of a fraud attempt but that’s unlikely. That number has a matching Agent ID number which I need because I have to set up the account that particular agent. Then comes the part where I take down their information.

Some of the callers immediately assume that I speak Urdu because at the beginning of the call they would say, “Assalam Alaikum!” But I had initially started the call by saying “Hello” in English. The next thing they do is speak to me in Urdu so I have to inform them that I don’t speak Urdu. I don’t know where they got that impression from. If I spoke the language, I would have greeted them in Urdu and not in English. Language barriers are always fun.

I’ll ask the customer for their names first and address after. I always end up asking for their names three or four times because I don’t hear right the first time. The second time, I’m concentrating on their first name. The third time, I’m listening in for their last time. And the last time, I just ask them to spell it out. I’ll get some customers that will give me their name once and I’ll say it back to them, totally wrong. They would correct me and then say nothing else. If I got it totally wrong, not just wrong but totally wrong the first time, I don’t think I’m going to be able to spell it the second time. I have to ask them for the spelling because they won’t take the initiative to give me the proper spelling.

Next, I ask them for their address. This part is even worse since it’s a mix of words and numbers. Sometimes I can’t tell when one ends and the next starts. I’m use to hearing the address given out so that the unit number comes first, followed by the street name and finally an apartment number if one is required. These callers don’t do that. I’ll hear two, sometimes three sets or numbers before a word. I’m assuming those numbers are the unit number and the word is the street name. It’ll be something like this:

Me: Okay, may I get your billing address please?
Caller: Yeah, it’s 2345 Eglington Avenue.
Me: Okay, 2345 Eglington Avenue.
Caller: No, no. It is 23 45 Eglington Avenue.
Me: Yes, that is what I have down.
Caller: Okay. 45 Eglington Avenue. Apt. #23. You get my point?
Me: Not really, but I’ll make those changes now.

I had a problem hearing the street name too because of the way that customer said “Eglington.” I say “Eglington” normally with no emphasis on any of the syllables. This caller would say it “egLINGton” with an emphasis on “Ling” as to make it sound like two words. If I didn’t know any better, I would have assumed that he lived on “Egg Lington” avenue instead of “Eglington.” I would have said it back to him the way he said it to me and it would sound correct.

But it doesn’t stop there. Next, I get the city. This product was only available to the Greater Toronto Area but now it has expanded to cover Canada. But when it was just for the GTA, I would get mixed information. When I asked one caller what city he lived in, he gave me two cities.

Me: Okay and what city is that address in?
Caller: Etobicoke Toronto.
Me: Etobicoke, Ontario?
Caller: No, Etobicoke Toronto.
Me: Okay, I’ll put down Etobicoke. And what province?
Caller: Ontario.
Me: Okay, Etobicoke, Ontario. Fantastic!

Now comes the fun part where I get to decipher their phone numbers. I’m expecting the caller to give me the area code followed by the exchange and then the extension. If you’re not familiar with the parts of the phone number then you won’t know what I’ve just said. The first three digits is the area code, everyone knows that. The next three digits are called the exchange. The last four are called the extension. This week alone, I’ve heard people say a lot of different variations of phone numbers. I always thought that there was a standard way of saying it but I guess there isn’t. You can say it whichever way you want. Let’s say that the number was 905-541-5690. Here’s the different ways you can say this number. Pay attention to the commas because that’s where the caller pauses.

Customer #1: nine oh five, five forty one, fifty six ninety.
Customer #2: nine oh five, five four one, five six ninety.
Customer #3: nine oh five, five hundred forty one, fifty six nine oh.
Customer #4: nine oh five, five four, one five six, nine oh.
Customer #5: nine oh five five, four one five six nine, oh.

After hearing the customers say these numbers, sometimes I end up typing more than ten digits. Phone numbers are given out so that it up breaks up into a recognizable pattern, nine oh five, five four one, five six nine oh. If you start out by saying each digit individually then you continue saying them individually. Customer #3 might as well say, “Nine billion, fifty five million, four hundred fifteen thousand, six hundred ninety.” It’s a good thing he didn’t because he would have lost me at nine billion.

When someone does something to piss you off, a good rule to follow is, “Don’t get mad. Get even.” That is what I try to do in life. There’s no sense in getting mad because that would be admitting that the other person has won. The only thing left to do is to get even.

When I first came to Canada, I experienced a lot of things for the first time. I’ve never seen snow fall from the sky before so I was amazed by it. I wouldn’t say that I was shocked to see snow because back in Thailand, we had ice cream. So I’m not new to the whole cold white stuff. The whole cold weather thing was new to me though and I didn’t like it one bit. It was a good thing that my school was a few blocks down the road or else I would have dreaded walking to school.

I would have preferred to walk to school in the snow rather than get a ride in my dad’s Ford Thunderbird. The second I step into that car and close the door is the second that I start vomiting. Everyone thought that I was car sick but that wasn’t it. I hated the smell of the interior. It smelt similar to that of a fresh new car. The smell made me a little dizzy and the dizziness made me vomit. Everywhere I went, I had to carry a plastic bag with me. Oh, my parents were pissed off every time I puked. After a few dozen rides in the car, you’d think the car would smell like vomit but it didn’t. It still smelt like a brand new car and I still puked it in. I think I even puked on the plane right to Canada. I don’t remember much about the flight other than puking. But now that I’m older, I think I got all the puking out of my system because I have no problem driving anywhere. Although, I always seem to feel a little woozy during when I’m on the Go bus.

Anyway, this entry wasn’t supposed to be about puking all over the place but it just came up, no pun intended. When I was in Grade 2, I went swimming for the first time. We had swimming lessons every Tuesday at an indoor pool that was attached to my school. I’ve never swam before and it was sort of hard to learn because my English was stilling developing. The instructor tried to help me out the best she could but I wasn’t swimming any time soon.

I remember one day, we had to swim from one side of the pool to the other side. The class got into two lines and we would swim in pairs to the other side. Every time my head went under water, I would bring it back out because I wasn’t floating. It was a good thing that we were in the shallow end or else I would have drowned. There was this girl, Jamie was her name and she would always make fun of me because I couldn’t swim. Oh, I hated her because she was a show off. She was one of the best swimmers in the class so when she saw me, she teased me about it. I couldn’t swim so I usually ended up walking to the other side.

To make matters worse, I was wearing on of those shorts that would turn into a floatation devices as soon as you enter the water. I don’t know why it did that. It was as if there was air trapped in my shorts and my shorts would inflate once it was in contact with water. It was a little embarrassing because I would be walking across the pool with my shorts half way up my bum. I think that was the first time I experienced a wedgy. It wasn’t good the first time and it still isn’t good now.

As I’m walking across the pool, Jamie is taunting me by pointing and laughing at me. She was the next person to swim but she couldn’t start until I got to the other side of the pool. I got really pissed off at her this time so that’s what I did. I pissed in the pool.

So there I was, walking from the middle of the pool to the other, peeing as I made my way. By the time I reached the other end, I was done. My territory was marked. It was quite refreshing and the water was a little chilly so it was rather warm too. I climbed out of the pool and walked to the back of the line. Then Jamie jumped in. She does her little professional drive into the pool and starts swimming. And then she gets to the part where I start peeing. A big evil grin came across my face. Revenge was so sweet!

So let this be a lesson to you. Don’t make fun of people because they can secretly get you back. I’m pretty sure that there is not one single pool in the world where someone has not yet pissed in.

I live close to an area where there could possibly be a lot of drunken people. There is a place called Hess Village and it’s located a few blocks away. And a couple of blocks west, you’ll be able to find a poll hall. The area that I live in is located close to everything. I don’t know why people would want to move out of here. The air quality might be bad but unless you move out of the city to somewhere north, you’re going to get air that is roughly similar.

Earlier today, I had to drop off a CD at Alvin’s place. We had a business meet with a potential client around 2:00pm. I couldn’t go to the meeting because I had errands to attend to. My mom had a wedding to go to so I drove her around to places to get ready. Speaking of weddings, my long time friend Sao is going to be getting married next year but I’ll leave that for tomorrow’s entry. As for the wedding today, my parents will be attending. I’m not sure who’s wedding it is but I think it’s the wedding where the people went all out on the invitation. The card was professionally done and the R.S.V.P card came with a stamped envelope. I think a Cambodian person is getting married to a Spanish person. That’s about all I remember from the invitation.

Anyway, sorry, I got a little off topic. What is $5 hunting you ask? Well, before I went over to Alvin’s I moved my car into the driveway. The reason behind that was because Bylaw came by and ticketed a bunch of cars that were parked on our street. There’s a one hour parking limit in place and you needed a parking permit if you wanted to park there for a longer period of time. That permits costs $60 a year. Someone must have been mad about all the parking spaces being taken up by students that they went to City Hall and complained about it. I always thought that in order to get something like that in place, you would require the consent of the people that live on the street. At least, you need the consent of everyone if you wanted that sign removed.

Usually, I park in the drive way because there’s no permit for the car yet but my younger brother parked there last night. So I had to park in front of my driveway. Bylaw came by earlier in the morning and ticketed a bunch of us. I was talking to my neighbour and he told me that he and the other neighbours got a ticket as well. That confused me because they have a permit to park there so they shouldn’t have received a ticket. He’s assuming that the Bylaw person gave everyone a ticket because it’s a $12 and no one has time to fight it so we’ll have to pay it. I told him that I’ll go and fight it for everyone because it’s stupid for the others to pay for the ticket even though their car has a permit to park there. Anyway, I’m getting off topic again.

Back to $5 hunting. On my way back home from Alvin’s I found $5 lying on the ground outside of Hess St. School. It rained last night so the bill was a bit wet. The $5 dollar bill was laying flat on the ground with Laurier facing up. It was as if Laurier called out to me and told me to look down because if I had continued to look forward, I would have missed it completely. I usually walk and look forward but if it’s sunny out, I look town to the ground a lot. Today, I was looking down because of the stupid parking ticket. But finding the $5 bill made me totally forget about the parking ticket. The bill was still wet so I didn’t want to stick it in my pocket. Instead, I folded in half carefully, and walked home with it. The crazy people in the halfway house were outside so I had to hide my money from them or else they would ask me for $2.

When I got home, I placed the bill on top of my computer fan to let it dry. Then I wondered what the chances are of people losing $5 every Friday night. I’m usually up late at night or out late to be awake early in the morning. So if can manage to get up early enough and I could probably go looking for lost $5 bills. Most drunk people don’t keep track of their money. They probably just stick their hands in their pockets and grab whatever change they have to pay for their drinks. But being drunk makes them a little clumsy. They could lose money and not even know it. To some people $5 might not be much but to me that’s a lot. It’s enough to buy me lunch for the day when I’m at work. So, if I can find $5 Saturday morning and then another Sunday morning, I can buy myself lunch when I work the weekend.

I think there’s this Asian saying that goes “You are considered lucky if a bird poops on your twice.” I am not sure of the origin of that but I’m sure it’s Asian. No other culture is as superstition as us. The adults have a superstition saying for just about anything. But this one is the one that I find more entertaining. I got shit on by a bird and I don’t consider myself lucky, especially if it happens twice.

I can recall a few events when someone close by was the victim of avian droppings. I remember one time I was waiting for the bus. My hair was as short as it is now and I spike it up with a special kind of gel that made my hair look like it was silver. A guy in my class said it look liked a bird shit on my head. I didn’t say anything back until he turned around. That’s when I saw bird shit on his head. I burst out laughing and I told him.

Me: I’ve got fake bird shit on my head but you’ve got the real thing.
Classmate 1: Yeah whatever!
Me: Aight, don’t believe me!
Classmate 2: Yo, did a bird poo on our head?
Classmate 1: Shit!
Me: Exactly!

My friend handed him some tissue paper that she had in her purse and he proceeded to wipe the poo off his head. I watched with a big grin on my face.

What surprised me was the fact that I didn’t see it land. Either he was walking around town with poo on his head the whole morning or it just happened right there and then. There are a lot of pigeons in the area so maybe it did happen right in front of me. It did look fresh. One more time and he would be considered lucky.

It happened to me once. I got shitted on. Umm, shat on? Would that be the correct tense? Yeah, whatever. I was walking to the grocery store one day. It was a nice breezy day, a bit dark because it was cloudy. When I got to the parking lot I thought it was going to rain. I felt a rain drop on the back of my neck so I started to walk faster. I didn’t want to get caught in the rain. Then another drop hit me on the side of my face. I went to wipe it off when I noticed that it was white bird shit. Bloody hell! I checked the drop that landed on my neck. That was bird shit too! It was freakin’ nasty. I didn’t feel lucky at all. I think you must have the worst luck in the world to be shat on twice.
I think the whole getting pooped on twice being lucky is just something someone made up. Maybe the guy had bad luck and was getting bird pooped all over him and decided to make up this story to hide his embarrassment. If the superstition is true, we might as well walk around looking for dog poop and just step on that. Twice! Consider yourself lucky if people actually go near you.

Speaking of dog poop, the funniest thing happened last Friday. I was helping my friend’s family move to their new house. Some people were helping and some were on break. When I went on break, I smelt something. My friend immediately yelled out “Check your shoes!” Everyone checked their shoes. I was in the clear. My friend’s little brother wasn’t so lucky though. He had stepped on dog shit and transferred it all over the place. So now, everyone that was moving stuff from the house and into the car were stepping shit too. We tried to warn them but it was too late. Squish! They in turn transferred dog shit all over the place too. I don’t think there was one person there who didn’t step on dog shit that day.

I may not appear to be but a lot of the times I am a clumsy guy. I would walk and trip over just about anything including my own feet. I’ve gotten my share of bumps and bruises due to my clumsiness but I think throughout the years I have improved. Or so I thought.

I was walking over to Tim Horton’s today during break to get a cup of coffee. Yes, I am still on the look out for the crazy bird. After getting my order, I walked back to the office. As I was walking, I tripped over something. I looked back to see what it was but I couldn’t find anything on the ground. It appears as if I may have tripped over the sidewalk. Usually, after I do something like this, I turn and look around to see if anyone saw me. On most occasions there isn’t anyone in the area but I’m not always that lucky. Today, there were three old guys hanging out by the stairs. They appear to be smiling at something. I assumed that one guy told a joke and it was funny but I highly doubt that.

Another time, I was walking outside my high school. For some odd reason, I would always look at my footing when I’m walking in the grass. That is because there are pine trees everywhere and during the fall, pine cones are scattered all over the place. Every time I walk in that area, I would concentrate on stepping around the pine cones. You know how sometimes you focus so much on one time that you lose focus on other things? Well, I guess I lost focus on the actual walking part. So when my foot hit the ground, I went down and hit the ground as well. I got up really fast and looked around. Yes! Nobody was around.

If I was walking around and saw someone just fall down, I would just burst out laughing. I’m bad when it comes to seeing people fall down. I can’t help but laugh at their misfortune. The worse one was when I was on the bus. I was sitting at the back and an elderly lady came aboard with her walker. As she went to show the bus driver her ID, she lost her balance and tumbled to the floor. I’m sorry to say this but I laughed out loud. Yes actually, LOL. I couldn’t help it and I’m probably going to hell for it but it just came out. I tend to laugh when I see things that I don’t see everyday. And it’s not everyday that I see an old lady fall down while trying to get on the bus.