Cognito, ergo sum

I’m thinking too much these days for my own good. As hard as it may seem, I feel like I’m slowly exhausting my limited brain power. I’m sure the brain will continue to work no matter how exhausted it is but lately, too much thinking is making me tired.

Cognito, ergo sum“ is Latin which translates to “I think, therefore I am.” If you are able to think for yourself, then you exist. You are able to think of things to do on your own and no one has to tell you what to do. The brain is capable of learning new things no matter what age. They say that once you go pass a certain age, the brain’s function to learn just stopped. Well, maybe it doesn’t stop but it slows down and it makes it harder to learn. I am not yet at that stage but some days I feel like I am.

I do a lot of thinking. When things go quiet, my brain wanders and things pop into my head. Most of it is about the past and the future. It is rare that I think about the present. Things that are happening today, I don’t have much control over. The same goes for the past, but I think about the past in order to prevent past mistakes from happening again in the future.

There are times when my mind wanders and I find myself just dazed and confused. I do not know what I am thinking about and I have no idea what to start thinking about. This whole idea of thought processing is something that still puzzles me. I find it amazing that I am able to hear myself inside my head. The thing that I cannot comprehend is whether it is my voice or not. The voice that I use when I talk inside my head sounds like my voice but I cannot actually hear it. In a way, I can hear the voice but how do you compare that to the voice I speak using my vocal chords.

The things I think about sounds fairly trivial. I am not sure why I even bother thinking about such nonsense. But those are the things that pop into my head when I’m sitting around doing nothing. I focus so much on the little things that they are making me tired. I try to sleep at night but I’m too busy thinking. I try to get some work done but I’m so focused on thinking about other things that nothing gets done. I do not know why I spend so much time thinking. I do not even know why I am typing this out. I just hope that by getting my words out of my head and putting them onto paper, it will help clear my mind a little.

My mind is pretty complicated and you do not want to know what goes on in there. I do not believe that I think about the things that average people think about. One day I will be thinking about the weather. The next day I will be thinking about the connection between to different gravitons that are placed at opposite ends of the universe and how each can mimic the other in exactly the same way.

I am a software engineering and yet I find every aspect of life to be interesting. An analogy that I tell to people who cannot program is that, if you can teach a kid something, you can program a computer to do something. That analogy sounds easy enough to understand but I am not sure if everyone will understand it. The way I see it is, if you can teach a kid to count to ten, you can program a computer to count to ten. It’s just that some people think that you have to tell a computer how to count in a more complex way because it as a complex piece of machinery. The brain of a child is just as complex, maybe even more so. The difference is that a child can ask you question for clarification. A computer just does as it’s told to do.

But anyway, I do not know why I bother thinking about these things. I have better things to do but I am just too lazy to start doing them. Too much thinking is not good for you because the more you think about something the worse the outcome might look. And right now, I am just getting tired from thinking too much. If possible, I would like to take a break from thinking but I do not see that happening. I am still trying to put out one blog per day and in order to do that I need to think about the topic. Day after day, I feel like I am running out of topics to write about. But the more I think about it, the more it seems like that isn’t the case.

It is not the fact that I running out of topics to write about, it is because I am tired of thinking so much. There’s so much to write about but I have put so much thought into that I am tiring my brain. I have brained stormed so much that it seems like all the topics are gone. In actuality, there’s plenty more left to write about but it is taking me a little longer to come up with something. After I select a topic, I have to worry about how I am going to write it out. There are things that I want to write about but I just cannot think of how to write them.

It’s not like I have writer’s block or anything because I have plenty to jot down. I write about anything and everything so there’s plenty of material to go around. I guess that due to the fact that I am tired, I have to pause after every sentence to think about what to write down next. So at the moment, I am not sure exactly how long I can continue to get new material out every day. I use to have a few on reserved but I have already exhausted that material. And I am sure that the things that you are reading are not entirely new to you because I can’t be the only one going through something like this. I think one day, I will try writing about whatever comes to mind. It will be a good way to see what goes on in my head. If I know myself, there is a chance that most of it will be chaos.