My second relationship was something that I wanted to start earlier in my life. I knew this girl since we were little and I had feelings for her. But due to some conflicting circumstances, I had to hold back on my heart. As the years went by, my feelings for her came and went. And it would continue to come and go until I finally asked her out. It took a while for me to realize that she was the girl that my heart was longing all this time.
The reason why I confessed to her was because I getting hints from some strange and unseen force. Whether it was fate, I don’t know. But something was pushing me and hinting to me that I should do something about my feelings for her before it’s too late. I don’t know if it was just coincidence or not but there were a few songs that were released and it was describing what I was going through. The songs were “Why” by 98 Degrees and “Just a Friend” by Mario.
There were a few other songs as well, at least enough to make a whole music CD but these two songs were the ones that had the most impact on my decision. For two months, I contemplated as to whether I should sit back and do nothing or act upon my feelings. If I sat back and did nothing, I would regret not knowing how the relationship could have turned out. If I did something and her feelings weren’t the same, our friendship would get a little awkward. I had to figure out a way to see if she was the least bit interested in me.
It was Valentine’s Day 2002, the perfect day to make a good impression and let her know that I was interested in her. I bought her some flowers, chocolate and a teddy bear. The teddy bear was made in a way that you can fill its tummy with chocolates, which is what I did. I knew that she loved Ferrero Raffaello. That’s a white chocolate covered in coconut confetti. They sold them in packages of threes so I bought enough to fill up the teddy’s tummy to make him look fat. The teddy bear’s paws were sewn together so I stuck the roses in between its arms.
The next step was to figure out a way to present it to her. She had to attend classes on Valentine’s Day so I came up with an idea to leave the gift in her car. As luck would have it, she asked me to run some errands for her because she had classes to attend. I ran her errands for her quickly and made a copy of her car key. That was pretty sneak and probably illegal in some way. I called her up and asked her for a ride to my friend’s place. He lived close to McMaster University so it was a good excuse.
The following day, she came by my house and picked me up. I didn’t want her to drop me off at my friend’s place because I needed to know where she parked her car. I didn’t want to spend hours look for her car in the parking lot. At the time, she was driving a green Dodge Neon and so did a few dozen of other McMaster students. When we got into the parking lot, we had to take the bus to campus. When the bus arrived at my stop, I got off because I had to make it look like I was going to my friend’s house and not back to the parking lot.
I quickly caught the next bus that was heading back to the parking lot and place the gift in the car. I placed the teddy bear in the passenger seat and a card on the steering wheel. I asked her out to dinner in the card. I made a music CD as well and I stuck that into her CD player. I rigged it so that the song would start playing as soon as she started up the car. I made sure everything was in place, locked the doors and walked to my friend’s house.
When I was at my friend’s house, I received a phone call from her. She had found the gift and was surprised by it because she had no idea how it was done. Then she asked me something that got my heart pumping. “When are you coming home?” It may not seem like much but at the time, these five words gave me a warm feeling. If she had asked, “When are you GOING home?” it would have been a different story. But saying, “What are you COMING home?” made it sound like we were already a couple and she was waiting for me. Nonetheless, I was walking home with a big smile on my face.
When I arrived at my house, I found that she had left something for me. I wasn’t accustomed to getting flowers so this put an even bigger smile on my face. I gave her a call and thanked her for the gift. I asked if she had read the card and if she was free to have dinner. She did and was. We went to dinner at a Thai restaurant with a few of our friends. The other couple were already together but we weren’t yet. I guess this was like our first date.
Our next date was on her birthday. And that was the day that I asked her to be my girlfriend. At first, I asked her the wrong question. I didn’t know there was a right question to ask but I guess she wanted me to be more specific. Initially, I asked her if I was good enough to be her boyfriend. To that question, I didn’t quite get an answer. “Would you be my girlfriend?” was the correct question that I should have asked the first time. But I didn’t ask you that until later that night. I got a little confused when she told me that I had asked her the wrong question the first time. Once I was confused, I had no idea what to do next. I got a little nervous because I was expecting one answer but got something totally different. It wasn’t until the walk home that I figured out what I should have asked. Silly me.
Our relationship started up pretty good but it eventually started heading downhill due to school. The reason why I didn’t want to start any relationship back in my high school days was because of school. But during college, I assumed that I would be better at managing my time and juggling school and a girlfriend. As it turned out, I was able to but she wasn’t.
Seeing that we weren’t spending enough time together, I tried to do what I could to see her more often. I spent a lot of time at her house because she wasn’t able to make it to mine. Her parents were traditional and I guess they didn’t approve of her spend time at my house. But they seem to be fine with the fact that I’m spending time with her in her room. Plus she had a lot of studying to do so I didn’t want to ask her to come over. I had a lot of studying to do as well but I gave up most of it so I could see her. Every time I was over at her house, I would just be watching television in her room. I didn’t do any studying whatsoever.
Eventually I had to confront her and ask her where our relationship was going. She was rather quiet at the time but knowing her, I sensed that there was something on her mind that she wanted to say. She was somewhat secretive and didn’t feel like sharing everything that she was thinking. I told her that she can tell me anything and we’d work it out. That’s the whole point to a relationship, was to work together to make things work. When she didn’t give me an answer, I was afraid for our relationship.
We decided to call it quits that summer. I was hoping that we would be able to work things out but apparently there wasn’t enough spark to keep the fire alive. That was the summer that I started drinking. Even though we weren’t dating for that long, I had high hopes for us. Once we broke up, I just stopped caring about things. I wanted to drink my misery away and just forget about everything. But that didn’t work because I didn’t drink enough.
At the time, she was the perfect girlfriend. She was probably everything that any guy could ask for. She was smart, funny, kind, one of the prettiest Cambodian girls in town and she can cook. Well, she sort of could cook. The last spring rolls I tried were a bit salty. Actually, I think most of her spring rolls were a tad salty but the other stuff she cooked was good. The way to most guys’ heart is through their stomach. You don’t find too many girls out there who can cook these days.
I thought myself to be the luckiest guy to have a girlfriend like her. But then I became the unluckiest guy for having lost her. I’m not sure if I did enough to keep the relationship going but eventually I gave up. A relationship is a one way street that a couple goes down. Any obstacles that are heading their way, they need to work together to avoid it. If one of the couples want to go left while the other wants to go right, they’re both veering off course and in the wrong direction.
The obstacle in this relationship was time. I wanted to spend as much of it as I could with her but she didn’t have any to spare. School took up the majority of her time and whatever time she had left she spent it with her family. That part I understood because both of those things were important in her life. I guess at the time, a relationship wasn’t that big of a deal.
As mentioned in the previous post, communication is a key to a long lasting relationship. But spending time together is also a key. If you’re not willing to make time for your significant other, how are you going to bond with each other? You need to be able to managed your time wisely so you can spend time with each other in order to get to know each other better. I understood that in my relationship but my girlfriend at the time didn’t. It didn’t have to be a lot of time either. A few minutes here and a few minutes there was good enough. Eventually all of the little times that you’ve spent together will add up. Remember that it’s the little things that count. If you can sit down and talk with your significant other for at least ten minutes, then you will do well in the long run.