Damn Mormons

I don’t like it when I’m approached by religious people. I am not religious myself so I really don’t want to discuss the issues with two complete strangers. I try to tell them that I’m not interested but they don’t understand the word no. Maybe somewhere in the book of Mormons is an instruction not to take no for an answer. They have to keep bothering us or else they’ll go to hell.

I had to ship a package to my friend in Ottawa so I made a visit to the postal office. I didn’t want to take the car since Jackson Square is only down the street so I decided to walk. The weather has been getting a bit warmer later but it’s still in the negative. The wind made things seems ever colder than it actually is.

I was jay walking across the street because I didn’t want to have to wait for the lights. When I got to the other side, I saw two of the religious people walking towards me. I had a hat on so I lowered my hat and tried to not make eye contact. I had to look up every once in a while to make sure that I didn’t walk into anything. But as soon as I looked up, one of them made eye contact with me. “Oh shit!” I thought to myself. Just as he saw me, he stopped to say hi. I tried to smile and continue walking but they kind of followed me.

I didn’t get far because the light had just turned red. You’re probably thinking that their god turned the light red in order for me to stop walking and listen to his people. That could have very well been the case or it could have been the devil playing a trick on me.

Since I was stuck at the corner, the two men approached me and asked me some questions about my religious background. I told them that I really wasn’t interested in hearing what they had to say. I also mentioned that I wasn’t very religions but that didn’t stop them from explaining to me the ways of God.

Mormon: Have you found Jesus yet?
Me: No, I really wasn’t looking for him.
Mormon: Would you mind if we talk to you about the bible and help you find your ways?
Me: No, I prefer to find my own ways. There are a lot of religions out there and I would like to discover them on my own.
Mormon: Yes but we can help you with that. Have you ever been to a buffet before?
Me: Yes, I go to the Mandarin once in a while.
Mormon: Well, that’s just like religion.
Me: Religion is like the Mandarin? I don’t quite see the connection.
Mormon: Well you see. At a buffet, the food is laid out in front of you but you’re afraid to eat it unless we invite you to eat it.
Me: Actually, at the Mandarin, you go get your own food. They don’t bring it to you. It’s all you can eat self served food.
Mormon: Yes but you wouldn’t eat the food unless you were invited to eat.
Me: Not at the Mandarin. I don’t know what buffet you guys go to but at the Mandarin, as soon as you are seated, you can get up and go get your food.
Mormon: Yes but what I mean here is that the main thing is the invitation. We would like you invite you to a buffet and help you get to know God.
Me: Oh. No. I have to run and drop off this package before the postal office closes.
Mormon: Is there a better time when we can speak you with about this?
Me: I doubt it. I work the night shift out in Mississauga. Today is my only weekday off where I have time to run errands. I haven’t slept yet.
Mormon: Okay, well here. I would like to give you this. You can call and get a free copy of the book. We are trying to spread the word of God.
Me: Greeeaaaat.

They handed me a small card with an image on one side and information on the other. The image is of people looking towards the sky as a beam of light shoots from the ground. There are people at the base of a temple looking up at it and they appear to be worshiping it. On the back was information about how to receive a free copy of the Book of Mormon. All of this is provided by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

These guys are always approaching me at the worse time. It’s freezing cold outside and they stop me in the middle of the street. I’m bundled up with layers of sweater, scarf and a hat and everything so I guess they think I’m nice and warm. But I’m not. I’m actually freezing my ass off and I want to get inside as quickly as possible. I guess the shattering of my teeth isn’t a strong enough hint that I’m cold.

I don’t know why they keep approaching me. I know I’m an approachable person and all but it seems like as soon as they see him, they stop me no matter what. Today, I was probably an easy target because I was wearing a bright yellow coat. But the last time they stopped me, I was wearing all dark colours and I was already half way inside a convenient store.

Every time they stop me, it’s the same story over and over. I should just tell them that I’m already one of them. But there might be a chance that it will backfire and they’ll invite me to one of their get togethers. It’s probably held at a buffet somewhere where they bring you the food.

At first, I though these guys were the Jehovah Witnesses but I guess that’s another religion. These guys are dressed in a shirt and tie with a name tag and a back pack. But they all look the same to me. They’re all preaching for the bible and stuff. I’m not interested in it but they like to push it upon me. I don’t understand why they don’t just let people decide for themselves. I realize that they’re trying to broaden the word of their religion but they’re going about it all wrong. They’re almost like door-to-door salesmen who go around trying to sell their version of the bible. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t like door-to-door solicitors.

10 thoughts on “Damn Mormons

  1. DON! OMG, my friend and I were approached the other day. Did you notice if that guy had a name tag with chinese characters on it too? Frig.. those people only stop asians for some reason. They’re so annoying. My friend and I were waiting for the bus, and he approached us and talked to us and NO ONE ELSE. there were other people around too.. but they weren’t asian… for some reason they didn’t approach him. So when we got on the bus, we were talking about how annoying those people were. And then what do we see 2 stops later? Those same people with the small cards harassing another asian girl down by the Go Station! WTH man! They’re waiting for you! lol

  2. No, I don’t recall any Chinese characters on his name tag, but I think I know who’re talking about. I ran into him once too. The one that I ran into was a Spanish guy. I think his name was Jesus. I didn’t get the other guy’s name. He just stood there agreeing with everything the other guy said.

    But if they’re targeting Asians, I’m going to have to dye my hair back to blond so I can blend in with the rest of the people that they don’t bother. Or better yet, when they ask for my info, I’ll give them Tan’s address. See how he likes people knocking on his door… hahaha!

  3. lol.. oh man.. iono if they would recruit him. I mean if you put yourself in those Latter-Day Saint’s shoes.. do you think you still would after knocking for the first time? hahaha

  4. Oh Boys, here go again.. i got nothing to do with this… cause i’m the son of Buddha… oh i know why?.. you guy ask why? Me “because you guy the son’s of devil you all go to hell i says”. hahahkakaka cough

  5. actually i change my mind, why do i have to believe in the dam religion, when i can’t just start up my own religion, and i’m gonna target you 2 first.. to join me

  6. what’s the big deal? tell them no thanks and keep walking. do you have problems when people try to help you in the store too? i live in chicago and people are coming up to me all the time. if i feel like talking i stop — if i’m in a hurry i keep walking. life’s too short to get up tight about other people on the street.

  7. I did keep going… I had to stop because the light was red. If I continued to cross the street I would get hit by oncoming traffic. As much as I would like to avoid them, it’s not really worth it to walk into traffic just so I could get away…

    And yes, sometimes I do have a problem when sales rep comes up to me and try to help… that’s why I’m on eBay a lot…

  8. you know, this story reminds me os something that happened with me in school.
    there is a guy in my class which is a mormon, and can you believe, he tried to force is religion on me?
    one day he gave me a copy of the book, the other day he gave me a story about the convertion of a catholic priest, damn! he was starting to get annoying!
    and mormons complain about being labeled, but when we encounter a mormon they have the tendency to “force you gently”! i finnaly snapped and told him to leave me alone, he was like a crazy stalker! XD
    i’m not a catholic too, i’m in that phase in your adolescence when you don’t know what to belive in…i’m seeking something that really matches with me.

    Bye! Great site!

  9. Hey João!

    I totally understand what you mean. Everyone wants to find their own way in life and religion is no different. Right now, there’s too much surrounding religion that I don’t want any part of it. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

    Thanks for dropping by!

  10. Thanks you very much! I enjoyed your site a lot!
    you keep a very good communicative relationship with your visitors!
    Oh, i forgot to introduce myself.
    As you know my name is joão Viveiros, I’m portuguese (I live in the Azores) and i’m 15 years old ^_^! Thanks again!

    Congrats on the great site!

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