Decisions, decisions

The suggestion to get married has popped up again. I’m at that age where I should settle down and think about starting a family. I am not mentally nor am I financially ready to make that kind of commitment but the pressure is on to do something about it.

One night, while driving home from a friend’s house, my dad pitched the idea of going back to Cambodia to find myself a wife. He wanted to help out someone back home and asked if I was able to help out. He wanted to help out a family in Cambodia by bringing the daughter over to Canada to work. By bringing her over, she would be able to help out her family in Cambodia by working and sending money back home. But in order to sponsor her over here, I would have to go to Cambodia for a month and get married.

I really want to help out my dad in this situation. Honest to God, I really do. But having grown up in Canada, I don’t quite see things the way he does. Over here, there’s a dating process where a couple would date for a while and work on their relationship before they tie the knot. The couple does not go out for a month or two and then get married right after. There’s a whole bunch of other factors to think about before making that kind of decision.

I would like to get to know the woman I marry before I decide to spend the rest of my life with her. Dating her for a month and then marrying her could lead to a divorce in the end. I’m still traditional in a sense and I believe that marriage is a sacred bond between two people. Once that bond had been made, it should not be broken.

I rarely get a chance to help out my dad with things other than computers but something like this is way too much for me. Going back to Cambodia requires a lot of time and money to get things started. Just trying to sponsor my grandma over and already taken five years and she’s still not over here yet. I’m sure for something like a marriage would require a bit more work.

To some, it may not seem like a big deal. You go back home and get married, bring the girl over here and support her for the next five years. After the five years are over you can get a divorce and live your normal life. While being married to the girl, you don’t have to stop living your life but you’re bond to stay within certain restrictions. Legally, I have a wife and I’m not supposed to go out and get another girl but technically, I’m just married to her to help her out. By the time the marriage ends, I’ll be in my early thirties and I think that’s a bit too late to be starting a fresh new relationship.

I’m the type of person that rarely says “no” to anything. I’ll say “no” but I don’t come out and say it right away. I’ll beat around the bush a little and try to figure out a way to say “no” indirectly. I’m not the type to turn down a chance to help other people either but in cases like this, it puts a lot of burden on my shoulders. I don’t feel that I’m the right person to take on this responsibility and I don’t want to do it.

My mom supports my indecision to give my dad an answer. She understands that there’s a lot of time, money and paper work involved in this whole thing. Moms knows best when it comes to what’s on their child’s mind. I try to hide things from her but somehow she manages to find out. I think someone’s ratting out on me. It’s either that or she can read me like a book. She knows that my heart isn’t in the idea. I’m sure she prefers that I get married to someone that I love rather than someone I’m trying to help out.

My parents are traditional people but having come to Canada, they are becoming less traditional and more, well Canadian. They still have their traditional values and they go to the temple every now and then but they’re slowly starting to adapt to the Canadian culture.

My dad can adapt to any situation possible. I haven’t seen him fail to understand anything. I went to school for computers to learn what I know about it. He picks up the knowledge from what I’ve taught him. Now, he sort of knows a little more than I do. He goes around from house to house to show his friends stuff on the computer all the time. I think he even explains the computer better than I can. He uses the terminology that he knows and puts it in a way that average computer illiterate people can understand.

My mom appears to be speaking English more often. My little brother doesn’t speak Khmer that much so she has learned to adapt to that. Sometimes when she’s talking to me, I find that during our conversation, she’s speaking more English than I am. I know that she doesn’t speak it well so I’ll speak to her in Khmer but all of her responses are in English. It may sound like a weird conversation to some people because there are two languages going on at the same time but we have no problem understanding each other.

My final decision is probably not to go through with this. Whatever decision I make will probably disappoint one of my parents but it can’t be helped. It’s a difficult decision to make because on one hand, I don’t want to get married to someone I hardly know. On the other hand, I don’t want to say “no” to helping out someone when it would be more beneficial for more people.

According to what fate has in store for me, I’m destined to marry twice. I am not a believer of fate because I feel uneasy that some unknown factor controls my life. I don’t plan on marrying twice so I’m careful with things like this. I plan on getting married once and spending the rest of my life with that one special person. Not fate nor God himself has the power to steer me off the path that I’ve chosen for myself.