Temper, temper

I’ve been letting out a lot of stream lately. I am not the type to get mad easily at things but this is probably the results of having bottled everything up during the past. Anything that bothered me before, I would keep inside and hold it in. You wouldn’t even notice that it bothered me. Now, the littlest things are starting to tick me off.

Last week, I was getting a little fed up with having to fill up the car with gas every week. I would put in $60 of gas every week and my brother wasn’t contributing at all. He didn’t even make an offer to put in gas for a day or two. I resorted to putting in $10 worth of gas rather than filling up. This was just enough to get from Hamilton to Mississauga and back. I deliberately did that so when my brother takes the car out on the weekend, he would have to fill it up. The thing was, he didn’t go very far on the weekend. I assumed he would at least put in some gas.

By the time I got the car Sunday night, it was running close to empty. I got into the car and started up and saw that the gas lever didn’t move and the low fuel light was on. I stared at the dash for about five seconds, took a deep breath and just let it out.

During the drive from my house to the gas station, I tried to remain as calm as I could be. Having been calm throughout most of my life, it didn’t take very long before I settled down a bit. I got to the gas station and pumped enough gas to get me to Mississauga. Since it was the start of my work week, I planned on pumping some more once I get in town. If I’m going to have to pay for gas, I’m going to try and save as much as I can. I’m not conscientious about my driving now. I try to stay around 110km/h in order to be fuel efficient.

A day or two later, I headed off to work a bit early because I wanted to stop by a friend’s place. He had asked me to stop by and visited because we haven’t hung out in a while. I told him that I’ll try and get the car early enough to stop by before work. I asked him where he would be around 9:00pm and he said that he would be at home.

I managed to get out of town just after 9:00pm and I arrived at my friend’s around 9:30pm. From this location to Mississauga is about a fifteen minute drive so I had plenty of time to hang out. When I walked towards my friend’s place, I saw that his lights were off. Assuming that he might have taken a little nap, I decided to give him a call to see if his lights would turn on. When he answered the phone, I could tell that he wasn’t at home because it sounded like he was in a busy place. He said that he was at school and suggested that I head on over. I am done with school and I don’t want to be remained of it. I don’t want to be on campus if I’m not taking a course. I declined the offer and headed to work.

When I got in my car, it only took a few seconds before I started to burst again. I started up the car and drove off. When I came to a stop sign, I yelled at the top of my lungs a couple of times. Being in a car prevent anyone from the outside world from hearing my swear words. After being at the stop sign for a while, I proceeded to drive. A few seconds later, I continued my yelling and cursing. I got to the point where I found my foot pressing the gas pedal all the way down. If my car was in better shape, I could have easily been going 150km/h in a 50km/h zone. I think by having the pedal to the floor might have messed up my car somehow. There’s a smell as if something is burning. I maybe have damaged my car slightly.
Eventually, I got a hold of myself and forced myself to cool down. An intersection was up ahead and the light was red so I had to or else I would have run that light. Not a good thing to do since Trafalgar is a pretty busy street because it has an on and off ramps to the highway.

I find my self just letting the pressure loose from time to time and I think that’s a good thing. Just as long as I’m by myself somewhere because that way, no one else will get hurt. Keeping all that anger inside all these years was probably a bad thing to do. You need to vent your angers once in a while. People have told me that the more I keep bottled up, the worse the pressure will be when I finally explore. I just brush them off and ignore them because I’m not like them. I can explode at any time but I’m aware of my surroundings so I’m not going to vent with others around me.

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