You’re crazy, lady

I think I met the craziest person in the world tonight. You know those people that go around saying, “The end of the world is near!” Well, she could very well be one of those people. She seemed harmless as first but the more she talked, the crazier she sounded. I was scared for my life at one point.

It all started when I was walking to Tim Horton’s to grab something to eat. As I got near the building, I saw a girl sitting on one of the stones. Usually that’s where the people would wait before getting on one of those tour buses that park in the area. She was dressed in black and she was sitting with her arms around her feet. As I was walking, she kept staring at me but I didn’t look at her, just in case. She saw that I was looking away so she looked in the direction that I was looking. When she looked away, I snuck a peek at her and saw that she was just sitting there drinking her drink. I thought nothing of it and carried on.

I got into Tim Horton’s and gave my order to the cashier. As I was ordering, a lady came into the building. I didn’t get a good look at the one outside but this lady sort of fitted the description. As I started to leave the building, a couple more girls were by the door, waiting for something. As I exited Tim Horton’s, they entered. I guess they were too lazy to open the door.

I rounded the corner of the building and that’s when I saw that girl again. She was still sitting there on the stone drinking her drink. As I walked passed her, she said something. This is my recollection of the event as they unfolded.

Girl: Take care of yourself!
Me: Oh yeah, you too. Why aren’t you inside where it’s warm?
Girl: Oh, I don’t want to be in there. I’m getting a bad vibe from inside.
Me: Oh. Aren’t you cold?
Girl: Not as cold as yesterday when I was in northern Thailand.
Me: Oh, that’s where I’m from. I’m from Thailand.
Girl: Yeah, see that’s why we connected.
Me: Yeah, you should go inside and get yourself warmed up.
Girl: No man. It’s not a good vibe. I don’t want to be in there.
Me: The workers there are fine.
Girl: Oh for sure. I love the workers. I don’t have a problem with them. I love them. It’s the building man. There’s something strange in there and I’m getting a bad vibe from it. I like to be out here drinking my tea. I like it black and double cupped. That’s how me and my mom likes it. This is the only way we drink it.
Me: Oh really? But you should drink it inside so you can get warmer.
Girl: No man. I’m fine out here. I don’t want to go in there. Me and you, we can go in there and scream ‘White Power’ all we want but that won’t do anything.

At this point, I’ve made up my mind about this girl. She was a few fries short of a Happy Meal, if you know what I mean. I don’t think she saw my face clearly enough because she didn’t noticed that I was Asian. At first, I thought she had a problem with the workers inside but in the end, I wasn’t sure. I just wanted to get away from her so I tried not to say much. It didn’t work.

Me: Uhhhh.
Girl: They’re not going to pay attention to us because they think we’re fake. Why do they think we’re fake? The only think you can fake is porn and this isn’t porn. This is the underground. You know? But nobody cares about the underground. You know why?
Me: No.
Girl: Because no one wants to be in the underground. They want to be up here. They don’t want to be down there because that’s where the explosives will go off. I know. I was there. Me and the people at Norguard. The government isn’t going to take us seriously because they’re too busy paying attention to the other things, the fake things. They need to pay more attention to us because we’re real.
Me: Oh.
Girl: We’re real because my mom works for the government. So trust me when I say that I know this stuff. And you know what? The one day that the government calls me in to work is the very day that Nadia fell off her bike and broke her leg. How could they do that to her man?
Me: Ummm.
Girl: They have to stop paying attention to those other people and start taking us seriously. Maybe we should try salt.
Me: Salt?
Girl: Yeah, you know those blue salts.
Me: The one they sprinkle in the winter time to melt the snow?
Girl: No! What do you think horses eat? They eat blue salt. You know in their stable? They have a block of blue salt. The horses like to lick them.
Me: I did not know that.
Girl: Better believe it. That’s why they have it all over the place.
Me: Oh, I see.
Girl: So how’s Andrew doing?
Me: Uhhh, I don’t know Andrew, actually.
Girl: Ha ha ha! That’s a good thing. Maybe it’s best for you because you’re wearing his hat.
Me: Oh. Well, I have to get back to work now. You try and stay warm, okay?
Girl: Okay. You take care.
Me: Likewise.
Girl: Bye now!

I don’t know what this lady was drinking but I think it messed up her head a little. The whole time she was talking, I was trying to figure out what she was saying. Once I was close to figuring it all out, she changed the subject on me. But I think she lost me once she started talking about her friend Nadia. She wasn’t making any sense at all. Everything was coming out of her mouth at random. She must have mentioned a dozen different topics but this was all I could remember. I don’t even know why I bother to stop and talk to her in the first place. And I thought Hamilton had strange people. When they say that the freaks come out at night, they weren’t kidding.

9 replies on “You’re crazy, lady”

  1. Oh man are u sure she want high on her GREEN friend…

    oh and on da scound note when she said “WHITE POWER” you should have said “WHITE POWDER CHOCOLATE timbit”…

  2. KHAHahahah sign her up for ontario energy.. LOL she’d prob look at you and just say “Nadia fell off her bike and that means you’re evil! Go back to your bad vibe tim hortons you evil white man!” lol…

  3. sorry.. for some reason i don’t feel like fight back ppl comments @ this time.. so i guest i’m gonna take the hit. Ontario Energy is ok to work for short times just for personal improvement, for some reason this job is hard work but i don’t know why i still manage to stay survive this long.. but all i know that been working there for a month. I had improved the way i’m thinking, acting, etc. maybe i’m gonna try out one more month see anymore new things interested me..

  4. come on, the pay not gonna run anywhere, but if you don’t find the customers the will run away or other ppl find them first.. first come first make money.. heheheh

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