Tonight is Devil’s night and tomorrow is Halloween. Devil’s night has always been a night where most of my friends would go out with a carton of eggs. I never bothered to go out with them because I wasn’t into the whole thing. I did go out trick or treating though but that was a long time ago.
I haven’t gone out to buy any candies for the trick or treaters yet. I still have time though. Usually if I buy them ahead of time, I end up eating them myself. Last year, I bought a box of chips, a couple bags of chocolate bars and a few bags of lollipops. By the time Halloween came, the box of chips were gone. So were the bag of chocolate. All that was left to hand out was lollipops.
Lollipops were the crappiest thing to get when you’re trick or treating. I hated getting them. It was the one thing that I didn’t like getting but it was also the one thing that I got a lot of. I wanted to get the bag of chips and the chocolate bars. The buildings were the best places to go if I wanted to get chocolates. Some of them would hand out the full sized one. Normally, I’d get the small like mini size chocolate bars but when I got the big one, I was surprised.
And then you get places that gave you apples. Who the hell gives out apples for Halloween. That’s so old fashion. I didn’t even bother eating those because I was afraid that they were poisoned applied. I prefer my treats to be wrapped. Who knows where that apple has been.
I remember one year, I went to some building for trick or treating. The people who were handing out the candies wouldn’t give you anything unless you told them a joke. I was a little kid and I didn’t know anything. So I told them the stupid joke ever. “What do you get when you cross a bat and a man?” These people were the worse actors too. They were like, “Well, I don’t know there. What do you get when you cross a bat and a man?” I was thinking, “Are you folks serious?” I told them, “Batman” and they laughing as if it was funny. It would have been funny if I said, “Nanana nana nananana nana Batman!” Either way, I got my candy. It was worth it too because they gave me a couple of hand full. I think they wanted to get rid of the candies as fast as they could.
Another year, I was out with some friends trick or treating. We went to the down on the corner of my street. We knocked on the doors but before anyone could open it, we yelled out “Trick or treat!” Then my friend added, “Smell my feet!” The guy came out and yelled at us for saying “smell my feet.” He told us that he’s not giving us anything because of that. We didn’t care because there were a lot more house to go to and the night was still young. But we ended up calling it quits early because it was really cold. I was a vampire that year but underneath my cape was a bulky winter jacket. You don’t see vampires in winter clothing often.
There were still a lot of kids going around trick or treating when I arrived home. It was cold but these kids must have really wanted candies. My house was slowly running out of candies so my mom stole some of the candies that I got and gave them out. I didn’t care for the candies because I just wanted the chocolate and the chips. I gave away all the lollipops that I collected that year.
The candies that I got from trick or treating didn’t last long. By the end of the second day, all my chocolate and chips were gone. All that was left were small stuff like Sour Tarts or Nibbs. After a week, I ended up throwing away the rest. The one thing that I got but never ate were black licorices. I don’t know what adult in their right mind would think that kids would like those. The red ones were fine but the black ones just tasted weird. I would never hand those out.
This year, I might have to take my little brother out. I don’t want to be the one that’s handing out the candies. Sometimes I would leave the bowl of candies out on the front porch and let the kids take it. It don’t matter to me. I want to get rid of those candies really fast. Normally, you hand out one thing at a time. I’ve reached into the bowl and just gave them whatever I could grab hold of. If I can get five things, that kid is getting five things.
But you want to know what will throw them off? If you really want to mess with the kids, hand out rice. I’ve got a few bags available in my basement just waiting to be handed out. I’ll just give each kid a couple of scoops. They’ll be happy that they got a lot of something. “Here you go kids! Rice! It’s high in fiber.”
Or even better, since the kids are asking for a trick or a treat, give them trick. Performing a magic trick for them because that way, you won’t have to hand out candies. The best trick to do that works on any idea is the trick where you separate your thumb. You know the trick right? Everyone knows that tricks. Everyone except the kids. Try it out and see how amazed they’ll get. Just make sure you have candies available for back up because if they’re not amazed, you house is getting egged next year.