March, 2006

Like the saying goes, ‘Old habits die hard.’ Trying to keep a commitment not to do something isn’t all that easy. Even though at the back your mind, you know that you’re doing is wrong. For the longest time, I’ve had these annoying habits that I’ve been trying to get rid of. Hard as I try to rid myself of them, I still have them today.

“Will you stop biting your nails!?” I’ve heard this a lot while I was growing up. I’ve been biting my nails for as long as I can remember. Why I bit them, I do not know. How I got started, I don’t know that either. But needless to say, I’ve been biting them since I was a little kid and I’m still doing it now, just not has frequent. There’s a chance that I’ll even be biting my nails while I pause to think of things to write. I’ve read that the most common reason for biting your nails are nervousness, boredom and comfort.

I hardly do anything that may cause me to be nervous, so I doubt that the reason. If I’m bored and I have nothing to do, usually I pick up a book and start reading. As for comfort, I highly doubt that’s the cause. Usually, I bit my nails to the point where it eventually starts to bleed. After that, you’d think I would learn my lesson. Think again. The pain and the bleeding don�t stop me from biting though. Sometimes I don�t even notice that I�m biting my nails until the bleeding starts.

I guess because I’ve been biting my nails for so long that it has become second nature to me. Then again, the stress could be the cause too but that wouldn’t explain why I was biting my nails when I was younger. I don’t remember being under a lot of stress when I was a little kid.

That’s not the only bad habit I have. As I grew up, I tend to stay up late and sleep in. I remember one summer, I stayed up until four in the morning just so I can watch the X-Games. Anyone not familiar with that, the X-Games consisted of extreme sport like street luge, BMX freestyle and inline vert. Some of these guys would bust out some of the sickest trick I’ve seen, well the guys that were doing the tricks anyways. The street luge guys were just racing to the bottom of the hill. Back then, Tony Hawk was just another skateboarder and he hadn’t made a name for himself yet.

Anyway, staying up late watching tv and then sleeping in until late in the afternoon was a bad idea. I remember waking around six in the morning and felling fresh. Now, if I tried to get up that early, I would end up lying in bed for forty five minutes. And if I didn’t have to work, I would end up just going back to bed until noon. I wasn’t in any rush to do anything in particular. Recently, I tried to get to bed early to wake up early and I found that I’ve managed to get a lot more things done by waking up around eight. Sleeping in until noon was a waste of time because half the day is already gone.

These are only some of my bad habits. I find them hard to break but I’m hoping that they will magically go away if I can somehow keep myself busy with something. Maybe if I can publish a blog everyday, I might be able to stop the nail biting. I’m not sure if it’ll help with the staying up late because if I keep typing, eventually I’ll be so used to all the typing that I won’t be able to stop. Next thing I’ll know, it’ll be morning.

Lately I have noticed the number of gray hairs that are growing on my head. Usually, I would have maybe two or three strands. But the last time I checked that number has gone up. Way up! The only thing I can relate those gray hairs to is stress. I am not sure exactly what is causing the stress but I think I can take a few guesses.

Work is the first thing to pop into my head. Although, I do not do much, I have read an article that the job I am doing is hazardous to my health. But all I do is sit by the computer and speak with customers all day long. How can that be a health hazard? Well, according to the Sydney Morning Harold, my line of work can be hazardous to my health because of all the suppressed emoticons.

When I am speaking with a customer I remain calm and polite no matter how much of an ass they are. It is common courtesy to be polite to people, that was the way I was raised. But in the last couple of jobs, I had to drop all the politeness and start getting mad. But no matter how bad the situation was, I could not get myself to show my anger.

According to the article in SMH, I should not be holding in my anger. Instead, I should be yelling at every single person who yells at me. If they are yelling at me, it is because they are hiding something. I’m fully aware of how to do my job. I went through a two week training course in order to get the job. Usually, if the customer yells at me, I remain calm and explain to them of the situation. By remaining calm, I am hoping the customer will feel guilty about yelling at me. But some of these people do not have a guilty conscience. They will continue to yell until the call has ended. If a team of researchers are saying that this is hazardous to my health, I believe it is time I yell back. This job does not pay me enough to be a hazard to my health. The customer ain’t right no more!

Other than that, I do not see anything else in my life that might be causing me to stress out a little here and there. Maybe all that thinking I have been doing is making the problem worse, better but it can�t helped. Most of my life has been a carefree life. The strain of adulthood is starting to kick in and I have got to learn to deal with it somehow. So, if you see me online more often in the next few days, chances are I was fired for yelling at the customer.

Back when I was a little kid, I remembered that one dollar meant a lot. Heck, I was happy because I received twenty five cents. Nowadays, it seems as if it’s not worth much. The value of a dollar has gone down, the cost of living has gone up and you can’t buy for a dollar what you could have bought back then.

When I first came to Canada, money was scarce. Both my mom and my dad had to work in order to support my brothers and I. We attended school while they worked full time. Growing up back in the 80�s, I didn�t ask for much from my parents. I didn�t ask for toys, I didn�t ask for an allowance, I didn�t even ask for video games. But my dad did buy my brothers and I a gaming console. The Atari 2600 was my very first gaming console and I loved it! I had never seen anything like it. It was this big black box and it came with some big chunky joysticks with a red button on it, not a million buttons like today. Just One! I remember games like Missile Command, Centipede and Pac Man. I never got into the action figures and stuff, I was into the Atari game console! And back then, most of those games were affordable. My dad probably bought us, like, fifty games for it. And I would sit there playing that thing for hours before my mom would yell at me to go have dinner.

These days, the new generations are given Xboxes, PlayStations and Game Cubes where the games it can cost around fifty dollars per game. Back in my days, you can get a cartridge that held over a hundred games on a single cartridge. You can probably do that today but it�s a lot of work and not as cheap as back then. In order to get all the games into one, you would have to modify your system to allow it to play copied games. And if you burnt something while attempt do that, you�re screwed.

And kids these days are spoiled. When I was little, every time we went shopping and we strolled pass the toys department, I kept my mouth shut. If I even think about opening my mouth to ask for a G.I. Joe action figure, I wouldn�t get it at all. Instead, I�d get a slap upside the head. I�d get that if I�m lucky, otherwise I�d get a kick in the ass. Also, while I�m on the subject of shopping, I�ve always done this when I was little, I don’t know about everyone else but every time I went shopping at the grocery store with my mom, I would always push the cart and run into the back of my mom�s heel. I don�t know why that happened but I remember it happening every time I went shopping with her. Being the oldest, I was in charge of pushing the cart. One of my brothers would sit in the baby seat while the other would rode in on the side. It was fun for them because they didn�t have to do all the work. And if I ran into my mom�s heels, they wouldn�t get in trouble. I don�t know why I got in trouble for it, I could barely see where I was going. But I somehow always managed to run over my mom’s feet.

Back in the eighties, I remember buying a lot of candies. And I mean a lot! When I got money, I went to the variety store and I bought myself a hand full of stuff. I would walk into the story with one dollar and I would walk with pockets full of gum. Back then, I bought more gum for a dollar than I could have bought today. The stuff you can buy for a dollar at the dollar store was nothing compared to what I bought at the corner store. But back then, if something was a dollar, it was a dollar. None of this PST and GST stuff. If I had to pay fifteen percent tax back then, I would buy one gum at a time, just so I wouldn�t have to pay another fifteen cents. Heck that fifteen percent would add up to three bubble gums, right there! I not going to let the government deny me my bubble gum rights! That’s outragious!

I don’t know what got me thinking about the value of a dollar. Maybe it�s because I�m dealing with money all day long. Most of the people I talk to are in some kind of financial dilemmas and they�re kind enough to share that detail with me. But these people don�t have their financial priorities straight. They may seem like they do but I doubt it because if they knew how to handle their money, they would cancel their cell phone service rather than keeping it. At the moment, I still consider cell phones a luxury and not quite a necessity. Anyone who doesn�t have a cell phone is doing just as well as those who have one. So, to anyone out there who does not own a cell phone, don�t rush into buy one because you don�t need it. These days, there�s MSN. If that person is not on MSN, then they are not available to speak with you at the moment. Just send them an email and they will get back to you as soon as possible. If you do not get a reply from them then they probably didn�t think it was important enough for a reply.

I don’t know what it is about some people but it seems like most of them are fascinated by the most simplest of things. It’s like the their brains are curious to know as much about nothing as possible. Lately, I’ve become a little bit more observant about things. Things that happens quite frequent but I’ve never noticed before.

Usually when chilling out with some friends, we would be sitting around talking about nothing. When I talk to people, I make eye contact but there are the odd times when I look away, for no particular reason. But that actions causes a reaction amongst my friends. If I was talking with a friend who is sitting directly across from me and I lose eye contact to look at something else, this causes him to turn around to see what I’m staring at, which is nothing in particular. Over the course of the conversation, I would do this a few times, inadvertently, and each time, I would get the same results.

I’ve heard of a little joke that some guy was doing in town. One day, this guy decided to stand in the middle of a busy street corner. He would stand there and start staring up in the sky towards the top of the building. By standers would walk up to him, stare at him for a few minutes and then stare up at the area where he was looking towards. The area was popular for falcon watchers so people assumed that, that is what he was looking for. But in actuality, he wasn’t staring at anything in particular. This guy stood there for hours and people who were walking by kept staring up in the sky to see what he was looking, which was nothing.

Today at work, I was staring at the security sensor above the entrance. There were people walking by to go to the lounge. They saw me staring up towards the ceiling, so they decided to stop and look up there too. After I left the area, I turned to look back and saw that some of them were still looking towards the ceiling. There was nothing exciting to see there, but they were curious.

What is it about us that makes us curious about what other people are doing? Gossips and rumours are really popular, no matter where you go. When I worked at the library, something that started on the main floor would escalate and eventually worked its way up to the top floor within minutes. Rumours spread pretty fast even in a fairly large workplace.

Even television is being taken over by this stuff. There are a lot of talk shows out there that shows the same thing over and over but involving different people. For example, Jerry Springer. That show had issues involving people cheating on people, family feuds, and guys who dresses up like girls. Apparently, a lot of people were against the gay people stuff but if it’s on the Jerry Springer Show, people didn’t care. Jerry Springer went from being a politician in Chicago to a talk show host. He knew what people wanted and he provided it. His show was a big hit when I was growing up but after a while it got old because it was the same thing over and over.

It’s not only limited to television though. I think that everything in everyday life has some little that caused us to have a curiousity about. I have a thing where I am constantly on my website because I am eager to see who has visited the page. I’ll be on my page checking the stats everyday. I would probably check it once every hour if I had the time but I’m usually at work most of the day. I think that is the reason why I created the polling system on the site. I’m curious about how people think and what they think about. Everyone has their own ways of doing thing even though we are all part of the same species. Sometimes, I’m fascinated in the behaviour of some of the people around me. It never ceases to amaze me how crazy some of them can get.

I think that the reason why blogs become so popular is because a lot of people like to read about the lives of others. It allows them to get glimpse of what others do on a day to day basis. I think that’s a good way to get to know the other person, even if you don’t know them personally. Just by reading their words, you have a basic insight of how their mind works.

It was one year ago that I first started blogging. I don’t know what exactly got me started but lo and behold, a year later, I’m still doing it. That means I’m on the right track right?

I think I got started blogging because I felt it was a way for me to express myself. I can express myself verbal just fine, but I think to have that transferred into a written form is a bit harder because you can’t convey that right point across without witting a lengthy blog. Well, maybe you can, but I can’t seem to get the point across in one or two sentence. One or two paragraph is more like it.

I find that, by blogging, it helps me relieve stress, vent my anger and solve some problems. I don’t stress out to much but the gray hairs on my head are saying otherwise. I’m only twenty five and the gray hairs are sprouting out like crazy. First, I thought maybe it was the hair dye that changed it white. But it’s not possible for the hair dye to affect just one strand of hair. The only other conclusion would be stress.

I don’t get angry often either. Someone customer can be screaming at me over the phone and I wouldn’t say a thing. I’ve seen my coworker yell back but I’m just too lazy to do anything about verbal assaults. I keep quiet at work and I vent once I’m out of there. I’ve gotten use to the screaming and shouting now so every time that happens, I laugh. There’s not much else you can do. A teacher told me once that humour is the key to happiness. No matter what happens, you have to try and look on the bright side of things. There are other things that can be worst.

Sometimes, I blog about some problems I’m having. Those blogs you don’t see because I usually solve that problem and have no need to publish the blogs anymore. Usually, I don’t like involving others with my problems. Doing so may only complicate things and I don’t want to drag anyone down with me. Everyone sees me as a happy go lucky kind of guy because I’m always pleasant to be around. Let me tell you know that I’m not always cheery. There are days when I have a dark cloud roaming over my head. I just choose not to show it because I believe that people’s mood can change depending on their surrounding. If someone is having a good day, while I’m having a bad one, I make sure to tell them that I am also having a good day. If you radiate a positive aura, others around you will be affected by it and they will feel better during their day.

All in all, blogging is fun. These days, blogging is turning into a full time job and people are actually getting paid for it. A guy over at Khmerang.com is blogging because he wanted to see if he can make more money in a month than a police office in Cambodia. I think that’s his blog, unless I’m mistaken him for someone else. He’s got his reasons, I’ve got mine. Maybe some of you out there should try it. I’m always encouraging people to start up a blog because I know that people like to talk. This is just another form of communicating, one that involves everyone with an internet connection, even the ones with dial up.

It’s a slow day at work so I’ve decided to start blogging during the down times. I guess it’s probably against company policy to be doing this but I’m bored. I’m hoping this will help pass the time before I go on my last break for the night. So bare with me if this blog sounds like it’s off topic from one paragraph to the nice.

At this moment, I’ve just finished talking to a caller. I’m informing him that his payments are late. He was kind enough to let me do all the talking before letting me know that he had already made his payment. He recently spoke with another representative early in the morning. That representative forgot to close the follow ups which is why he was receiving another call. Another girl was kind enough to let me talk the whole time only to tell me that she too has previous arrangements. All I can do at that time is apologize for the call. Most of them are good about it and don’t find it an inconveniences. Other tells me where to go. I’m not sure exactly where they want me to go so I’ll be sure to ask next time.

Then there are phone calls where the customer doesn’t know when they can make a payment. I don’t need a specific date, just ball park figures. If you can make payment some time next week, I’ll put down a date for the end of the week. That’s plenty of time to get that payment in. Some people will just tell me that it’ll be paid when it’s paid. If that payment is made after the suspension date, I can’t help them. Sometimes, I just want to say, “Help me, help you!” Some people don’t want to help me help. They prefer to let the phone suspend and them blame us for not telling them.

Then there’s people who just don’t want to talk. The conversation goes a little something like.

Me: Hello!
Party: ….
Me: Hello?
Party: …
Me: Uhhh, hello?
Party: ……
Me: Ummm, I can hear you breathing.
Party: *click*
Me: Bastard!

Why would people not say anything. It’s a phone call, if they didn’t want to talk, why pick up the phone in the first place? Just let it ring and don’t answer it. Then there are those who do answer and don’t say anything until the third hello. What’s going on through their mind. Are they hoping that I’ll get tired of saying ‘Hello’ that I’ll eventually hang up. Maybe I should inform them that I’m not allowed to hang up on them.

Once in a while, I’ll get the calls where the other person will pretend to not hear me. How do I know they’re pretending, you ask? Well coincidently, they say ‘Hello’ right after I say ‘Hello.’ If they couldn’t here me, they would be replying at random and not right after I talk. After five or so hello’s they finally decide to hang up. So, apparently, their phone decides to not work at the same moment I’m calling them. How convenient.

Well, that’s all the time I have to waste for the day. It’s almost time for me to go home. I’m looking forward to ten o’clock but the part that sucks is the fact that I have to be back at work at eight in the morning. It’s rare for me to have a Saturday off. I got to find me a real job. I can’t stand these filler jobs any more. But you take what you can get for the mean time, no matter how crappy of a job it is.