The Tim Horton’s Effect

The winter months in Canada can get pretty brutal. If you’re out there in the sub zero degrees weather, you better make sure you bundle up. If it’s snowing outside, you can bet that I have at least ten layers on. I ain’t taking my ass out there in this crazy weather without protection. If you go out there without having the right gear on, old man winter will bite you in ass.

Allow me to introduce you to, what I call the “Tim Horton’s Effect,” or more technically the “temporary thermal relief from climates reaching polar temperatures.

THE is a natural phenonmenon that is intitated when you step out of the cold and into a Tim Horton’s restaurant. When you’re inside the restaurant, you walk up to the counter and order yourself a medium double double coffee. It has to be a medium double double or else it won’t work. You pay for the coffee, which is four to five cents more now, and you walk out the door. As soon as you step out the door, you will notice a slight raise in the temperature. With your hot coffee in your hand, you are now safe to walk home through a terrible blizzard and not have to worry about the blistering cold.

The secret behind THE, is the illusion of warmth cause by the heat that is produced by the coffee machine inside Tim Horton’s. When you enter the restaurant, your body imediately replenishes the heat that was lost out in the cold. When your were outside, your body temperature rose slightly in order to combat the chill. But when you enter the restaurant, that body heat is still climbing. So, by buying that coffee, you’re giving your body time to rest a bit while letting the warmth of the restaurant carry on where your body left off. But as soon as you exit the restaurant, your body temperature jumps up again but this time, it spikes. Because it had time to rest, it now has enough energy conserved to raise your body’s temperature even higher.

Apparently, this only works for me but now that you’ve read about it, maybe it’ll work on you too. The main thing is to get yourself inside a Tim Horton’s. If you live in Hamilton, you’re bound to find one in a five block radius. If you’re not going to buy a coffee, your next objective is to somehow get closer to the coffee maker. Maybe you can pretend to be browsing the menu and then slower make your way towards the exit again. You don’t want to walk into a Tim Horton’s and go straight for the washroom because by doing that, you’re just wasting energy. You want to save that energy so your body will produce enough heat to keep you warm. This isn’t scientifically proven yet but my word is just as good as as thesis by someone with a PhD.