New vocab

Since the day I started working in Brantford, I was introduced to some new phrases that I’ve never heard before. Some of them are pretty funny phrases. But they’re not phrases that I would use on a day to day basis. Seems like it is a day to day lingo around here.

On day one, my trainer used the phrase “grew legs” a lot, meaning something was stolen. I guess things got stolen a lot around here. I was under the impression that Brantford was so polluted that things “grew legs.” Turns out, that was just her way of warning the new trainees that theft is a big thing. When she first started working, she brought her lunch and left it in the fridge. Her lunch “grew legs” and took off with her bottled water. That’s an impressive magic trick if I ever see it. I guess theft is a problem no matter where you go.

Brantford doesn’t seem to have a lot of crime. Most of the crimes that happens are petty crimes like someone stealing food from Zehrs. It’s not like you can escape anywhere. This city is so small that just by working where I am, I’ve already met half of the people that live here. Wanna know how bad it is? Well, there are more people visiting the library than there are in the mall. The library is the most happenin’ place in this town. That’s scary.

“Brain farts.” I’m not sure exactly how it came out but there’s another one for you. To take the phrase literally, it’s physically impossible for your brain to fart. There’s no exit for the gas to escape. Figuratively speaking, “brain farts” are when you make a mistake while you’re doing one activity and then switching over to another. An example would be something like trying to fast forward your TV after you’ve just finished watching a video. For me, I’m usually switching between my PC and my laptop. My computer has a mouse but my laptop does, so I get into the habit of reaching for my mouse when there isn’t one. Sometimes, coincidently, I’ll have something lying around by my laptop and I’ll think that’s the mouse. I move that around a few times before actually noticing that it’s my wallet and not the mouse.

While we’re on the subject of farting, there’s another term I’ve heard a while back, “sharted.” That’s when you try to fart but accidentally shit yourself. Very embarrasing if anyone ever finds out you did that. You can probably detect if someone “sharted” because the smell lingers around longer than it should. If the brain can “shart” that would explain the term “shit for brains.”

Last but not least, here’s one I’ve heard for the first time today, “verbal diarrhea.” This term can mean a few things. One definition would be when you’re saying something the long way while it could be said in one word. A lot of companies do stuff like this all the time. So instead of calling someone a “computer guy,” that person is now the “Senior Operations Technician.”

Another definition for it would be when you’re trying to say one word but the wrong words keeps coming out. For example, “Yo! That mp3 player is whack… I mean it’s dope… I mean sick… I mean… ahhh forget it!” Or maybe it could just another way of saying you’re talking a lot of shit.

Feel free to use your newly introduced vocab but beware, it might mean something different in another city. Brantford is a small town so maybe word spreads about the definition of different phrases and stuff. Back in Hamilton, there’s a lot of pollution so it could be very possible to grew legs.